Think about the last in-person or over-the-phone (or Zoom) conversation you had with someone. Did one person dominate the conversation? Did it feel strained? Were you reactive?

Emotional intelligence is all about being aware of and managing your relationship with your emotions, according to Christina McFadden, founder and CEO of Blue Door Partners and the guest speaker for last month’s Member Workshop on the topic.

A critical component of gaining emotional intelligence is learning how to listen properly. During her presentation, McFadden outlined the three levels of listening that all leaders should be aware of:

Level 1 Listening

Level one listening is noticing what’s true for you and how you’re going to contribute to the story that’s being told to you, according to McFadden. It focuses primarily on your own thoughts or agenda. You’re listening with the intent to respond, not necessarily to understand.

“Great for brunch, great for hanging out with the gal pals … but not great for leading,” McFadden said. “And if you’re listening this way the entire time, you’re not as connected to people as you think.”

Level 2 Listening

Level two listening requires self-management. It means not letting your head fill with thoughts. Instead, you’re listening to the words a person is saying, and when they’re done, it’s your turn to form a question or a statement. In other words, you’re fully present and your focus is on the other person in the conversation.

“People feel seen and heard when listened to at level two,” McFadden said.

Level 3 Listening

Level three listening is the ability to listen at a deeper level. McFadden said it’s the type of listening coaches are trained in. It means listening for things that aren’t being said, and noticing tone, body movements, pauses — the environment around the conversation.

“People can feel really seen when we listen between the lines,” McFadden said. She suggests asking your team during certain situations, “What level of listening do we need right now?”

Women in Retail Leadership Circle members can access McFadden’s full workshop on emotional intelligence here. Not a member? Apply today!