I still remember the first time I watched Sheryl Sandberg’s 2010 TED Talk about how women need to take our seats at the table. My peers and I were in our early 30s, beginning to see the extent of gender bias in business as we entered senior positions across various sectors. Sandberg’s talk gave us courage to stand up for ourselves. Many of us re-watched it right before asking for raises and promotions.

No single talk or book can cover every component of a topic as complex as gender equity, and Sandberg writes in “Lean In” that women having the confidence to raise our hands is only one piece of the puzzle. Unfortunately, at many companies, the popularity of “lean in” became a magic bullet solution. As I interviewed hundreds of women for my book, “Beyond Leaning In: Gender Equity and What Organizations are Up Against,” many expressed their frustration that the phrase “lean in” — one that felt initially empowering — ultimately let employers off the hook. It put the blame for gender inequality on women themselves rather than examining the systemic and cultural barriers that can strap us back in our seats.

The Barriers That Make it Hard for Women to Lean In

In my book, we meet two marketing managers, Chad and Haley. Their department head praises Chad for his data skills and talks about how Haley is the “glue of the office” with an infectious smile — even though we see in another scene that Haley is stronger with data. This might seem like a small slight, but it means that co-workers gain a different and inaccurate impression of Haley’s qualifications.

We also meet three interns in the finance department: Ethan is assigned a financial analysis project, while Paige and Jessica are always asked to make slides and help with event support, even when they proactively ask for finance-related assignments. At all levels of the organizational chart, women run up against biases that prevent us from pursuing the same opportunities that men do.

Another challenge many women face is what’s called the “motherhood penalty” vs. the “fatherhood bonus.” When men have the PTA on their resumes, it’s a plus, as they’re seen as more dependable; by contrast, women who are mothers are often seen as less committed to their jobs.

The Unequal Rewards and Penalties When We Do Lean In

Research shows that women are promoted at slower rates than men even with the same qualifications, in what’s called the “prove it again phenomenon.” Furthermore, women face a “d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don’t” when it comes to negotiation. We’re blamed for not being assertive in pushing for salaries, but also thought of negatively when we do.

Additionally, women face harsher penalties than men for the same or even less problematic behavior. In my book, we meet Dan and Shannon. Both employees hear about a policy they dislike at a meeting. Shannon complains in a brusque tone, while Dan slams his laptop shut and storms out of the room. Their bosses see Shannon’s tone as career-limiting, but make excuses for Dan’s far more egregious behavior — the workplace’s equivalent of “boys will be boys.”

‘Lean In’ Ignores the Importance of Stereotypical Feminine Traits

Finally, many women express frustration that the imperative to “lean in” assumes that women should act more stereotypically masculine (i.e., interrupt, talk louder, take up space), rather than acknowledging the problems that result from workplaces neglecting stereotypical feminine behaviors. Having empathy and knowing how to listen and collaborate are characteristics that are critical to business success — now more than ever — but are often devalued in the workplace because these traits are associated more with women than with men.

Many women describe how undervalued they feel at their companies because so many of the traits that they bring to the table aren’t considered important. This can whittle away at women’s confidence — yet another barrier to “leaning in.”